Starting Over
by AiLing
Summary: My take on what should have happened on the show in 14x5
1. Chapter 1

**Starting Over**

 **Hey guys- I'm finally back again after so long! Sorry for the long gap in between this fic and my last fic- real life and also the lack of motivation for writing got in the way. But I really wanted to write something canon, so this came up.**

 **This fic depicts my take on what should have happened on the show during episode 5 of season 14 and after that. Instead of Owen breaking up with Amelia after returning back home and both of them exchanging rings and agreeing to see other people, I feel that what should have happened is the both of them realizing that they make each other happy and agreeing to start anew in their relationship.**

 **This is chapter 1- which is shorter than the length of my usual fic nowadays.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

I sit on the pier lost in my thoughts, after having dropped Megan off at her house in L.A. where Riggs and Farouk were waiting for her. The cool autumn wind is blowing in my face. It is fast approaching winter, and I notice that the wind has been getting colder lately.

Colder. Just like my relationship with Amelia.

I really don't know what happened between us. It hurts so much to think about it. Our marriage is complicated, our current status is complicated, our entire relationship is complicated.

My sister Megan's advice rings in my head. _'I want to see you happy. And that might mean you have to break up with some of your ideals.'_ she had said. Her beach plan makes her happy. But what about me? What makes me happy? I used to think that having a family and raising my family nearby my parents and Megan would make me happy. But Megan made me question now- what actually makes me happy? Maybe my idea of a big happy family was just to make up for the emptiness I felt at losing my dad at such a young age. Maybe, just maybe, having a family isn't necessarily the thing that makes me happy after all. Maybe I need time and space to find my own happiness, whatever and wherever it is.

Am I really happy? Am I really happy with Amelia?

Our entire relationship has been so rushed, to think of it. We started having sex, agreed to go steady, got engaged and married to each other at such a fast pace. We barely even dated or got to know more about each other before diving into marriage. And now, we are suffering the consequences of our haste actions and decisions.

Now that Amelia had her tumor removed, is she still the same person? Is this really the Amelia Shepherd that I know and love? How much of her personality before the surgery was due to the tumor and how much of it was actually her?

Do we actually know each other? Do I know her favorite color, her favorite song, her favorite artist, her favorite movie, her favorite food? Does she know mine?

Are we really happy together?

I do recall being happy having her wrapped up in my arms and cuddled up next to me. I do recall being overjoyed when she proposed to me, and my heart leaping with joy when she walked down the aisle towards me on our wedding day. Gosh, she looked so beautiful that day!

But now I wonder- was this just a transient euphoric phase? Was it just our hormones racing? Was it just me being so excited to find a woman to settle down and start a family with?

I shake the questions away from my head immediately. Amelia is not just any other woman. She is a woman with the ability to make me furious and mad at her, but at the same time so in love with her. There's something about her which makes me lose control of my emotions. There's something about her which ignites my passion, fills my entire soul and every fiber of my being.

I stare out at the calm water of the sea and feel the cold breeze on my face. The sun is now starting to set, leaving a colorful and picturesque scenery of the sky, which is now filled with shades of orange, red and pink. There is something about sunsets which calms the soul.

I look at the many couples walking past me - obviously in love, holding hands and smiling at each other. One couple stops just a few feet away from me and start kissing passionately, lost in their own world. They seem blissfully unaware of my presence. I shake my head, smiling to myself. My mind involuntarily drifts back to Amelia. We never shared an ice cream together, went for long walks in the park together, or did fun activities together. Now that I think about it- maybe we had done it the wrong way. Maybe the way to be truly happy again together is to go on dates together and to get to know each other better. Who knows, maybe I will love her even more, the more I learn about her. Maybe we can give our relationship a brand new start, a refresh button.

My phone vibrates. It's a text from Amelia.

' _Just wondering whether you're coming home tonight. Dinner is ready. xoxo .'_ the text read.

As I sit there and read the message, I realize one thing- I have been taking her for granted. She's waiting at home for me, while I'm sitting here alone in the pier, envying other couples.

' _Ok, I'll be back soon.'_ I text back my reply as I get up from my spot. At this very moment, I decide that what truly makes me happy is having someone to share my life with, regardless of whether children enter the picture. More specifically, this someone is called Amelia Shepherd.

* * *

Amelia greets me with a dimpled smile as I walk through the main door of the house. A quick glance around the house shows me that she had spent the day tidying the entire house, even though she should be resting. A heavenly aroma wafts into the living room from the kitchen. It smells of grilled chicken. I feel another pang of guilt at not having stayed at home with her to help out with the housework. What kind of husband am I? She is still recovering from brain surgery and yet here she is, cleaning up the whole house and cooking for me!

'I cooked some grilled chicken.' she smiles at me as she tiptoes to kiss me tenderly on the lips. I feel a tingling sensation running down my spine at her touch. Surely what we have between us is real, or else I wouldn't feel this way. I gently and passionately reciprocate the kiss.

We reluctantly pull away from the kiss as we look at each other in the eye.

'I'm sorry, Amelia.' I apologize. ' Í'm sorry for just leaving you at home like this. It was so random, Megan moving to L.A. I just wanted to make sure that she arrived safely in L.A., so I offered to accompany her on the drive there. I mean, who knows what might have happened on the way…'

' I get it, Owen.' Amelia says smiling as she leads me to the kitchen where our delicious looking meal is waiting. 'You're being the protective elder brother, looking out for your sister as always. How is she?'

'She says that living by the oceanside makes her happy. She is now reunited with Nathan and Farouk. I would think that she's happy.' I reply as I help her to transfer the newly warmed up dishes from the kitchen counter to the dining table.

'I can help her. My good friend, Charlotte is the Chief of Staff at the St Ambrose's Hospital there. Maybe I can help recommend her for a job in the hospital. 'Amelia offers in an earnest tone. I cannot love her more at this moment.

'Wow, you don't have to do that, Amelia. She'll find a job once she's ready.' I say. 'But thanks so much for offering to help my sister. That's very noble of you.'

'I do it because she's your sister.' she replies, winking.

'Who called our marriage a sham, although we both know it's anything but that.' I think to myself. I just smile in reply instead.

* * *

Half an hour later, we are sitting at the dining table, opposite each other. There is now a tense atmosphere in the air, as we both tuck into the delicious chicken. Amelia seldom cooks but when she does, she can whip up a scrumptious meal. As I continue pretending to focus on the food, my mind races as I try to think of what to say to her. This isn't fair to her, I realize. Yes, she did scream in my face that she didn't want a baby shortly after agreeing to not wait and start trying for a baby. Yes, she did run away from me and avoided me for several months, making me blame myself. Finding out that she had a brain tumor explained her behavior, and now that her tumor had been removed, her erratic behavior seems to have gone with it. She initially offered me an out, claiming that she didn't know how much of it was her and how much of it was the tumor, and that she was afraid she would change into an entirely different person now that the tumor had been removed from her. I refused to accept her offer, claiming that I married her, not the tumor and that we were together in sickness and health. I asked her to come home with me instead, an offer which she finally accepted. Now that she's home, I am supposed to step up and take care of her as she recovers from her surgery. Instead, I leave her alone at home as I go on a spontaneous road trip with my sister. Instead of being mad at me, this new tumor free Amelia stayed at home, cleaned the house and made me dinner instead.

'The chicken is delicious.' I finally say, as she blushes. The best I can do for her now is to compliment her cooking and show my appreciation for her efforts. Without the tumor, she seems to be more controlled and inhibited in her actions, but she's still the same old sassy, passionate, smart and kind-hearted person.

'Thank you. 'she says. ' It took a few hours for me to prepare the whole thing.'

' No, thank you.' I say as I take her hands in mine and we link hands across the dining table. 'Thank you for taking the trouble to prepare this for me when you should have been resting.'

She smiles but doesn't say anything, as silence fills the kitchen once more and we continue concentrating on our food.

I try to form the exact sentence in my head to say to her.

' _Amelia- I think we should start over again. Start anew and get to know each other better.'_ or

 _' Amelia- there are still so many things that I don't know about you. I want to get to know you better.'_

Which sentence sounds better?

She breaks the silence instead.

'So- how was the road trip with Megan?' she asks. 'Did you both manage to reconnect with each other?

'Well- it was good at first- we stopped at an abandoned funfair which we used to go to as kids, and reminisced our happy childhood memories there for a while. We even did our own version of carpool karaoke. 'I chuckle. ' Then shortly after, she yelled at me, accusing me of always controlling her life and denying her the position she had always wanted in the army.'

' Derek was always like that too. ' Amelia recalls as she chews on another piece of her chicken.

' Then as we stopped by the oceanside, she told me how the ocean makes her happy, and that she had vowed to herself to stay by the ocean if she were to get out of captivity. She then proceeded to ask me what makes me happy, because she wants to see me happy.

'So what makes you happy, Owen? 'she asks me, as our eyes lock. She seems to be searching for an honest answer in my eyes.

I suddenly become tongue-tied as I struggle to find the exact answer. With her staring at me like that, my mind is blank.

'Well, I….' I stutter as I scratch the back of my head. _'You make me happy.' Is what_ I want to say, but no words come out. Amelia has this special ability to render me speechless.

Amelia places the cutlery a little too forcefully on her almost empty plate.

'I get it.' she says in a calm, monotonous tone. 'I can't make you happy. You need to find someone who makes you happy. A woman who can give you the large happy family you've always hoped for. And that woman isn't me.'

'Amelia- no I didn't mean that. 'I defend. ' You make me happy, you really do. I want to be happy with you, children or not.'

'You hesitated. 'she claims. 'You were thinking about what really makes you happy. I don't think I truly make you happy. You need time and space to think about what truly brings you happiness.'

Her words hit me hard, like a sledgehammer.

Before I can reply, she gets up from her chair and runs up the stairs.

I am left alone on the dining table as I bury my head in my hands. _What have I done?_

My conscience tells me that I should waste no time in going after her and giving her a proper explanation. I cannot let her go this time, not after she has come home to me.

I quickly get up from the chair and run up the stairs to the bedroom, where I know she is.

* * *

As I enter the bedroom, I can hear her sobbing silently, her sobs muffled by her pillow. She is lying on our bed, her head buried in the pillow. She lifts her head a little, but doesn't acknowledge me.

I sit on the bed next to her.

'Amelia.' I call out softly and gently.

' Go away.' she mumbles into the pillow, still not moving from her current position.

' Amelia. 'I repeat, not budging from my position either. 'I'm sorry I hesitated, I was just tongue-tied because the question caught me off guard. You make me happy. I'm the happiest when I am with you. Everything about you brightens up my life. Your smile, your dimples, your laugh, your voice, your snarky comments, your passion for your job, your big and kind heart. You alone make me happy, and I really mean it.' I say earnestly as I pat her gently on the shoulder. ' I'm the happiest when I'm cuddled in bed next to you. discussing a case with you, having a meal in the hospital cafeteria with you, or even paging you to the ER to review a patient. Just spending time with you makes me happy.'

A few long seconds pass before she finally lifts her head and adjusts to a sitting position to look at me. Our eyes meet, I think I have this pleading look in my eyes.

She studies my facial expression and the look in my eyes.

I guess she can see the earnest look in my eyes as she finally sighs and says 'Ok, apology accepted.'

To my pleasant surprise, she reaches out her hand to mine and our hands link. A dimpled smile slowly forms on her face, making my heart melt. Yes, seeing her dimpled smile is one of the things that makes me truly happy.

'Do you know what truly makes me happy? ' she asks.

'What? 'I ask, pretending to be curious, although my heart was hoping for the answer _'you.'_

'You. ' she answers, making my heart leap for joy. 'I realize that I'm the happiest with you too. Everything about you- your passion for your job, your loyalty and honesty, your kind heart, the way your eyebrows furrow when you're so focused on something, makes me happy. Just spending time with you makes me happy too. ' she adds as we hold hands. I pull her closer to me as I wrap her in my arms, feeling her warmth. Oh, how I miss holding her in my arms! I think she misses being in my embrace too as she snuggles in closer to me, and we remain in that position for quite some time.

'Just learning more about you makes me happy too.' she says as she gently traces patterns on the palm of my hand.

'Same here.' I admit. 'I want to know more about you, Amelia. 'What is your favorite movie? Your favorite actor and actress? Your guilty pleasure? Your favourite singer? Your favorite color? I love learning new things about you- you never cease to amaze me.'

'I want to know more about you too.' she says as our eyes meet again. ' You never told me your favorite stuff too. Oh my God- We hardly know anything about each other! ' she exclaims, exasperated.

I chuckle. She can be so cute and adorable sometimes when she's frustrated.

'Calm down.' I say, rubbing her back gently. ' We already know a lot about each other, and we have plenty of time to get to know each other better. We have the rest our lives to learn everything about each other.'

' So we're really starting anew.' she says smiling, her eyes now sparkling. I haven't seen that sparkle in her eyes for such a long time.

'Yes, we are. 'I confirm earnestly. 'A brand new start for us.'

This thought makes me nervous, but excites me more than anything. We are giving our relationship a fresh start. It's like pressing a reset button on our relationship and starting all over again.

Her dimples show yet again, which again melts my heart. I realize that there is so much about this woman that amazes and intrigues me, I want to know more about her and have a brand new start with her.

'So since we're starting anew, why don't I invite you on a date? We have never really dated before, have we? 'I suggest as I wink at her.

I realize that this is true, we never went on a real date before. Our 'dates'consisted mostly of spontaneous sex in the hospital on call rooms or the trailer, or lunch in the hospital cafeteria. Blame it on our busy jobs- we barely had the time to go on proper dates before, due to our conflicting schedules.

She giggles in reply. I really miss this melodious sound.

'So after being married to each other for several months, you finally invite me on a date.' she says incredulously. The wink in her eye though tells me that she's playing with me.

'Yes, we are an unconventional couple. 'I say, winking back at her, earning another giggle from her. 'We do things backwards. We aren't a boring couple, that's for sure!'

' We are an interesting couple indeed. 'she agrees, as she holds her pillow in her hands. 'So where do you wanna go for our first official date?'

I place my fingers on my chin as I pretend to think hard. In fact, I already have the perfect place at the back of my mind.

'How about Canlis? 'I suggest. It is one of the most posh and romantic restaurants in Seattle, and one of our favorites although we don't visit it often.

Her eyes fly wide open in response.

'Canlis? I was thinking of just a simple date in any coffee house down the road.' she says, a genuinely surprised tone in her voice. This shows me what a humble and simple person she is.

' The treat is on me.' I insist. 'The gentleman is supposed to pay for the first date.'

'Of course, you're the traditional man who pays for the first date - I should've known! 'she teases as she nudges me playfully on the elbow.

'I am, my dad raised me up with these set of values.' I say seriously. 'He taught me to be a gentleman and to always respect women.'

'I like that. 'she says nodding her head in approval.

'So deal. This Saturday night. I'm not on call that night, and I believe you aren't either?' I confirm with her as she shakes her head.

'Nope. I'm not. Deal.'

After we have both showered, we spend the rest of the night cuddled in bed chatting away, completely at ease with each other. We start off with small talk, and gradually progress to catching up with each other's lives over the past few months we had been separated. She confesses to me about how afraid and alone she felt when she first discovered about her brain tumor, and how excruciatingly painful her recovery from the brain surgery was. It makes me feel really guilty about almost breaking up with her that moment right before I discovered about the tumor, and feel bad about how I wasn't with her when she first woke up from the surgery. But that was all in the past now, and I vow to myself to be with her through thick and thin from now on. I also confess to her how guilty and horrible I felt upon learning that my sister Megan was being held captive while I was moving on with my life for the past 10 years. I explain to her that that was why I spent a lot of time in Megan's room, I was trying to make up for the lost time and the guilt about my sister. She nods in understanding, rubbing my arm sympathetically as she listens attentively to my confession.

After we have chatted for hours, Amelia finally falls asleep in my arms, the weight of the day and recovery from surgery taking its toll on her. I smile to myself as I watch her sleep. She looks so beautiful and peaceful when she is sleeping, like an angel. I miss waking up in the morning or lying awake at night watching her sleep. It was and still is one of my favorite things to do. I can watch her sleep for hours- this is another thing which gives me happiness. I relish the soft feel of her skin touching mine, and the warmth of her body in my embrace, something which I really miss from the time we were apart. I realize how lucky I am to have this woman in my life- and I vow to never let her go again. I can't wait to get to know her better and unravel more mysteries about her. I am excited to start a brand new relationship with her and to go on my first official date with her. We make each other happy, we are meant for each other, this I'm sure of. We are going to do this together.

 **This is it guys- chapter 1 of my latest post season 14x5 fic. I really hope you enjoyed it! I'm planning the next chapter to be their first official date and them getting to know each other better and rediscovering each other. Do let me know if you would like that!**

 **As usual- comments, reviews and messages are very much appreciated. I'm actually not so sure what to think of this- so do let me know what you think. I would really love to hear from you, thank you so much for your support! 3 3**


	2. Chapter 2

**Starting Over- chapter 2**

 **In this chapter, Owen and Amelia get to know each other better and give their relationship a fresh start.**

 **I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season well spent with your loved ones. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! 3 3**

 **Owen's POV**

I feel as if I'm working on autopilot today. I do my job as usual- reviewing patients that come into the ER with precision and referring them to the appropriate departments. I even scrubbed in a couple of surgeries. However, I keep on glancing at my watch in between reviewing patients. Time seems to pass by extremely slowly today.

" Do you have a date?"April asks, winking at me as I lean over the nurses counter after reviewing a middle-aged lady with persistent headaches. I had just paged Amelia down to the ER for a neuro consult for the patient.

"How do you know?" I ask as I raise my eyebrows at her.

"Well, judging from the way you keep on looking at your watch for the entire morning." she answers, tilting her head to one side. "So who is this lucky person?"

Before I can answer her, Amelia barges into the ER, looking like she has been rushing to get here. My eyes lock with hers as we exchange a knowing smile.

" Ooh I see- enjoy your date. " April whispers into my ear as she pats me on the shoulder.

Amelia walks right up to us.

"Hey- where's the patient?" she asks as her arm inadvertently brushes against mine, causing a tingling sensation down my spine.

For a moment, I am tongue-tied as she stands in front of me, looking straight at me with her bright blue eyes.

I manage to regain my composure just in time to answer her in a calm voice, which doesn't depict the palpitations I'm feeling inside.

" Patient is in bed 6 over there. Her name is Louise Patterson and she has been complaining of persistent headaches. I think she would benefit from a neuro consult." I say as I point towards the direction of the bed. "I'm thinking she might need brain imaging," I add as I hand Amelia the patient's chart.

We exchange a quick smile before she walks over to the patient's bed.

As soon as Amelia walks away from us, April leans in closer to me.

"So she's your date tonight." she says matter-of-factly. It isn't even a question, it's a declaration.

"Yes." I answer, in a tone of voice which hints that the answer is obvious.

"That's good! I'm so glad for the two of you. At least you both are making the effort to start anew. I think Jackson and I are beyond salvation." April says as she sighs and looks up at the ceiling.

I remain silent as I try to come up with an appropriate answer for her. I am really rooting for April and Jackson to get back together, for both their sakes and for Harriet's sake.

" In all honesty, I'm rooting for you both." I finally say.

Before April can reply, another trauma comes in and she rushes over to attend to the patient, leaving me alone again at the nurses' counter.

* * *

15 minutes later- I am still standing at the nurses' counter, sipping on a cup of coffee. I am taking a short break after having reviewed patients non-stop for the entire morning. Amelia appears from behind the curtains of bed 6 and walks towards me.

"I'm ordering a head CT for Mrs. Patterson ." she informs. " I want to rule out cerebral infarct first.''

"I know." I reply as I smile smugly at her.

She glares at me, hands on her hips, before proceeding to hit me playfully on the arm.

"Can you just- stop being so smug all the time! " she exclaims. ''I know that you know everything, but you don't have to say it to my face."

"Well, sorry but I just can't help it." I say, smirking at her. "I can't help being -it-all."

She shakes her head, her hands still on her hips. Suddenly she starts giggling without warning. Her giggle is contagious, causing me to chuckle as well. A few nurses sitting at the nurses' counter steal glances at us but I don't care.

"Alright, very well then, -it-all. I'm sending this patient to CT now, and I'll update you on the results and further plan of management once it's done." she says as she pats me on the shoulder and gives me a wink before walking off towards the patient's bed.

"Wait-I'm following you." I announce as I run to catch up with her. She pauses in her tracks and turns around to look at me, her eyes shining.

" But I thought you have patients to attend to." she says.

" I'm not reviewing any patients at the moment and I'm sure April doesn't mind if I take a short break." I say. "Besides, you could use some company." I add, winking at her.

She nods in agreement, smiling. I proceed to inform April that I'll be in the CT scan room.

Several minutes later, Amelia and I are sitting together in the CT scan room staring at the images that appear on the computer screen. She seems to be deeply focused on the images. I pretend to be too, although in actual fact, I am not focusing as I keep on stealing sideways glances at her. She has just turned off the microphone so the patient can't hear us.

"Remember to wear something nice tonight." I whisper into her ear in a seductive tone.

"Tonight, what's going on tonight?" she asks as she freezes the images on the screen and looks at me with wide eyes.

My heart sinks at that moment. Did she really forget about our date?

"I'm just kidding- Mr. Know-it-all." she says, hitting me again playfully on the arm. " How can I forget? Our very first date." she proclaims as she gives me a dimpled smile.

"Yes, our very first date." I reply, grinning back at her.

" Well- I hardly have any dresses to wear. What do you want me to wear? " she asks, shrugging.

"Awww com on Amelia, don't fool me. I know you have plenty of dresses." I say, looking at her with pleading eyes.

She rests her chin on her hands, pretending to think.

"Hmm…let's see- what if I wear casual jeans and sweater for our date and get us kicked out of the restaurant?" she asks in a playful tone.

"Well- I don't mind at all. I just want this occasion to be special, regardless of what we wear or where we go." I say earnestly. "I'm sure you're gonna look amazing tonight, no matter what you wear." I say as I whisper again in her ear.

She blushes. She looks so adorable when she blushes. "Luckily the microphone is not on." she says as she winks at me.

"Which means we can have more fun." I answer, winking back at her.

"Not here, not now. I have a patient to attend to." Amelia's tone of voice changes abruptly to an authoritative one.

"Tonight." I say in a husky voice as our hands brush against each other.

"Right, tonight." she answers in an equally husky voice.

She then turns her attention back to the computer screen and unfreezes it.

I watch her study the computer screen intently. Even looking at her being so focused on her work makes me happy.

"Ah ha!" she exclaims suddenly, pointing at the computer screen. "Multiple brain infarcts. She needs to be started on aspirin and needs a neuro follow up."

I lean in closer to her while studying the computer screen. Yes, the patient has multiple infarcts indeed. Amelia constantly amazes me with how easily she can read brain scans. For her, reading brain scans must be as easy as ABC.

She clicks on the print button before switching on the microphone.

"Alright Mrs. Patterson, your scan is done. We'll get you out in a minute." she speaks into the microphone. I find it amazing how Amelia can switch from being the voice of authority at work to being the wife with the sexy voice in just a minute.

The rest of the day passes by very slowly for me.

Finally, the clock strikes 6 pm as I have settled my final patient for the day. I just can't wait to change to my street clothes and get out of the hospital. This is the first time I've ever felt this way, I usually don't mind staying in the ER for as long as I can.

"Enjoy your date!" April calls after me as I walk out of the ER. "Tell me how it goes tomorrow."

"Will do." I say as I wave back at her.

* * *

My heart beats fast as I sit on the couch of our own living room. I tap my feet on the carpeted floor impatiently. I feel like a teenage boy sitting in the living room of a teenage girl's house waiting for her to come down, to take her on their first date. The only thing missing is the girl's father hammering me with questions. I don't even recall being this nervous on my first date in high school. This is so weird, why am I feeling so jittery waiting for my own wife in my own house?

I am dressed in a blue long-sleeved collared shirt and a black suit.

Amelia had come home earlier on to prepare for the date. She refused to let me into the bedroom, claiming that she wants to surprise me.

I stand and look up the stairs as soon as I hear the bedroom door opening.

I gasp in awe as she finally appears in my sight and walks down the stairs. She's donning a simple but breathtaking knee-length black dress with a V-shaped neckline. She is holding a black purse to match it. The beautiful diamond necklace, diamond earrings and black heeled boots she's wearing complement her dress perfectly. She has also put on some light makeup and red lipstick and let her hair down in loose curls.

She stops in front of me and looks up at me with her bright blue eyes, as I stare at her in total awe. She looks even more gorgeous than ever.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" she asks me, chuckling.

"You look so beautiful today, even more beautiful than usual." I whisper, letting out the breath I didn't know I have been holding. She has taken my breath away.

"Thank you." she says, blushing.

She links her arm with mine, and we both exchange a smile. This is it- we are going on our first official date.

"Com on let's go." I say. "I don't want to be late for our reservation."

We both grab our winter coats and head out the door.

* * *

We arrive at Canlis holding hands. It is packed with couples having a romantic night out. We both marvel at the beautiful Christmas tree placed at the entrance.

The waitress takes our winter coats and ushers us to our table.

Silence reigns over the table for a few long moments once our orders have been placed. I am struggling to think of what to say to her. It's so weird, how we've been married to each other for several months and can joke around each other at work and at home, and yet don't know what to say to each other on our first date. What do couples usually talk about on their first date? I can't remember what Allie and I talked about on our first date back in high school.

"So we're really doing this" I say, sounding calmer than I feel.

"Yes, we are." she replies, giving me a small smile. I can tell that she's nervous too and trying to hide her anxiety.

Before I know what I'm doing, I reach my hands across the table and take her hands in mine. I can feel her relax at my touch.

"Thank you, Amelia." I say. "Thank you for being willing to give us a second chance."

"No, thank you." she replies as she nods seriously. "Thank you for being willing to give me another chance."

"Starting anew means getting to know each other better " I point out. "I want to know more about you, Amelia. I think I know a lot about you, but there's still so much about you that I don't know."

A wider smile slowly forms on her face as she takes a sip of her sparkling water.

"Well- what do you want to know about me?" she asks, winking as she places her glass down. "Just shoot away."

" Ok- tell me what is your favorite movie?"

"Noting Hill."

"Favourite actress?"

"Julia Roberts."

"Wow! I love her too!" I say. "She's one of my favorite actresses too."

"I also love Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock." she adds.

"Me too!" I admit as we high five, earning glances from the couple at the next table. I almost knock down my glass of sparkling water in the process. ( I have decided to order this out of respect for Amelia.)

" So what's your favorite movie?'' she asks as she tenderly rests her head on her hands and looks at me.

" I love watching action movies. I love all the Marvel movies. Batman, Superman, Spiderman, you name it." I say as I chuckle. She lets out a melodious giggle.

" I'm more into romantic movies, but I do appreciate action movies too." she says.

'"There is a movie I've watched at least 5 times." I proclaim.

"Hmm….let me guess." she says as she lifts her finger to her chin and pretends to think.

"Titanic! " she proclaims triumphantly after a few seconds.

"Wow- how did you know that?" I ask, genuinely astonished. I don't recall ever mentioning this fact to her before.

"Because I have super powers." she says, winking. "Ok, in all honesty though, it was one of the greatest movies ever made, and many people have watched it more than once."

"Ok, fair enough." I chuckle.

" I forgot to add…..Leonardo DiCaprio is one of my favorite actors! Besides George Clooney and Tom Cruise." she says.

"Wow- we have similar tastes. I love Leonardo DiCaprio too." I say as we grin at each other.

" Right, so now it's my turn to guess." I say.

"Go ahead."

"I guess that your favorite food is frozen pizza, your favorite breakfast is waffles and your favorite dessert is chocolate." I say as I wink at her.

She gasps in mock surprise. " Why yes, of course! How did you know that ?!"

"Maybe it's because I always see you snacking on pizza and chocolate, and you love to make waffles." I say in a tone that indicates it is obvious.

"Well, I know that your favorite food is lasagna- because you always make it for lunch or dinner." she adds, winking back at me.

"So we actually do know some things about each other." she points out.

"Yes, we have been together for a couple of years and married for several months, of course we do know some things about each other, although not everything." I say.

Another tense silence comes in between us. So far- we have been successfully avoiding the elephant in the room for the night, but now it's time to address it.

"I'm sorry, Owen." Amelia finally breaks the silence. "I'm sorry for yelling at your face that I didn't want a baby and avoiding you for several months. It's not you, it's me. April told me that you were blaming yourself all this while. I'm so sorry."

" I get it, Amelia. There's no need to apologize. I was furious back then, but now I know that it's due to the tumor." I say as I squeeze her hand from across the table.

At that moment, the waitress appears with our appetizers.

Amelia stares down at her plate, not touching her food.

"Amelia." I say, a concerned tone in my voice. " I said it's ok. I understand now. Your tumor caused you to have no control or inhibition over your actions."

"It's not that." she sighs. " I was terrified. I know the tumor caused me to run away and act irrationally, but I had an underlying anxiety about undergoing another pregnancy." she admits, as she exhales deeply.

 _Another pregnancy?_ I'm puzzled. I then recall the time shortly after Samuel's death, when we were both sitting in the hospital chapel. She told me that her baby lived for 43 minutes, but didn't elaborate further. I also never probed her further about her baby, and she never mentioned it anymore to me, until now.

"Oh, you mentioned to me before about your baby having lived for 43 minutes. What happened?" I ask gently, curious to know more, but not wanting to make her too anxious to share more details.

Amelia takes a bite of her appetizer and chews on it slowly, probably forming in her mind the exact words to say.

"Well, I had an anencephalic baby before." she begins, before pausing and staring at the glass window beside us, looking down at the beautiful view of Seattle below.

My heart stops as I hear her confession. I have learned about anencephaly before in medical school, and have encountered several cases before during internship and residency. It was heartbreaking indeed. The fact that my own wife, sitting in front of me now, just confessed that she had an anencephalic baby makes it even more heartbreaking.

"I'm so sorry, Amelia." I say softly and gently as I hold her hand across the table and give it a gentle squeeze as a gesture of support.

"Remember Ryan, the guy I told you about that night?" she asks me as she looks at me with teary eyes.

I nod, silently encouraging her to continue.

She seems to have gained the courage to continue her story, as she takes a deep breath and continues. "It was Ryan's. He was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. I held him in my arms for several minutes before he developed respiratory distress and had to be taken away from me. When Addison and Jake took him away, it was like a piece of me was being taken away, and it left a hole in my heart. I called him my unicorn baby because he was miraculous. I was given the option to abort him earlier on, but I decided to carry him to term so that he could donate his organs. In the end, after his birth, he donated his organs and saved lots of lives during his short time here on earth."

"I'm so sorry to hear that. That's a very honorable thing to do." I whisper, as I take her hand in mine again. I respect her even more now. Not every woman is willing to carry their anencephalic baby to term just so that they could donate their baby's organs. It was such a noble thing to do.

Amelia shakes her head as a stray tear rolls down her cheek.

" I still miss him so much, and think about him sometimes when I'm alone. I wonder if he's happy up there with Ryan, Derek and my dad. Maybe they're taking good care of him. " she sighs as she takes another bite of her appetizer.

My food remains untouched. I now realize why she has been so afraid of having another baby. It all makes sense now. She's afraid of having another anencephalic baby. Why didn't I connect the dots? Why didn't I realize that the loss of a baby would have caused her to be afraid of getting pregnant again? I was confused and thought she was being selfish back then, but now I get it. Her underlying fear, plus the tumor caused her to run away from me. It wasn't my fault, it wasn't her fault either.

"Amelia." I say softly. "Is this the reason why you're afraid to have another baby? You're afraid that our baby will be anencephalic too."

Amelia nods her head as another stray tear rolls down her cheek.

"Yes." she admits. "It was the main reason why I ran away actually. In my tumor filled mind, I was afraid that you would leave me if we were to have a baby with any abnormalities."

"Amelia, I'll never leave you, regardless of whether we have healthy babies or not. Remember, we are married. We are in this together." I say earnestly.

"I know. Which is why I feel so guilty for running away from you without an explanation." Amelia admits. " I should have opened up to you and talked to you about my innermost fears, instead of just shouting at your face that I didn't want a baby after agreeing to try for one just a couple of weeks prior to that. I know that running away was the wrong thing to do, but I couldn't help myself. I couldn't control my actions. I didn't even know the person I was becoming anymore." she adds, as a few more stray tears roll down her cheeks and she dabs on them using her napkin.

" It's ok. I didn't get it back then, but I do now. You had no control over your actions. But now that the tumor has been removed, you can return back to being you." I try to comfort her.

"To being me? I don't even know who the real me is anymore." Amelia says as she shakes her head sadly.

" Yes, you do. This is the real you. The strong-willed, intelligent, kind-hearted, compassionate, loving person who loves waffles and frozen pizza, who loves romantic comedies and Julia Roberts." I say earnestly, as I take her hands in mine and look at her in the eye.

I can see her blushing at my words.

" I love you so much, Amelia. Listen, we don't need to have babies just yet. When the time comes, we'll talk about it. But right now, we'll just enjoy each other first, ok?" I suggest. "We'll take it one step at a time now. We'll go on dates first like a normal couple and proceed from there."

" Ok. I love you too. And I agree we should take things slowly this time, step by step.'' she says as a smile slowly forms on her face and she takes another bite of her food.

" Would you like to catch a movie with me next weekend? " I suggest. " If I recall, we're both off next Saturday night. We can go to watch the new Jumanji movie. I heard it's really good and I loved the first one."

" Oh, that seems cool- I loved the first Jumanji movie as well! '' Amelia exclaims, as a dimple forms on her face.

Soon, the main dishes arrive, and we enjoy the rest of the dinner in each other's company.

Conversation flows smoothly throughout dinner and dessert as we exchange childhood stories. She tells me about her family, and how she worshipped Derek as a child and always tagged along with him on his dates with Addison. She also confided in me how she always felt like the black sheep of the family, always being the family disappointment. In turn, I tell her about my childhood growing up with Megan- with her always tagging along with me on my dates as well. She smiles, telling me how my relationship with Megan really reminds her of her relationship with Derek.

She is now telling me about the time she overdosed on drugs until her heart stopped beating. " I was dead for 3 minutes. Derek had to perform CPR on me to revive me. I had just crashed his car, and he was still furious with me that time." she says, chuckling to herself as if it was a hilarious incident.

My heart stops for a moment as I hear her confession. She had actually come back from the dead. I would never have met her had her brother not revived her. Had Derek still been alive, I would have hugged him and thanked him for saving her life.

Í grab her hands in mine and hold them tight.

" I almost lost you. If Derek didn't save you, you would've been gone and I would never have met you.' I say, my voice full of emotion.

" Well, the most important thing is that I'm still alive now and sitting in front of you, right?" she says in a light-hearted manner upon noticing my facial expression.

It's so like her to brush off something as serious as this.

"I was a wild kid and teenager." she chuckles, shaking her head.

" It's no wonder my sisters and my mom couldn't stand me. Among my family members, only Derek could tolerate me back then."

" I had given up on myself, I was falling so deep into addiction, I thought I would never get out of it." she confesses. " Then after I almost died, I decided to get sober. I managed to get through medical school, internship and residency sober. Then in L.A., I relapsed back into addiction. I was lucky that I had such an amazing and supportive group of friends who helped pull me back out of addiction." she admits.

I nod as I smile at her in awe, having even more respect for her now. It takes strength, courage and determination to get out of addiction, I know.

After we finish dessert, we sit back and relax for a while, holding hands across the table as we admire the beautiful view of Seattle at night, being lit up by Christmas lights. I'm so grateful that we have a window seat.

We enjoy the rest of the night, walking hand in hand down one of the busiest streets in Seattle, admiring the Christmas decorations put up by the shops, and the Christmas lights illuminating the street. Finally, we are in the Christmas mood.

A group of Christmas carolers are performing on the streets, and a crowd is now gathered around them. We decide to join in the fun, indulging in our favorite Christmas tunes.

* * *

By the time we arrive back home, it is almost 11 pm. As we open the door, we are greeted by our barren Christmas tree. We were so busy- we barely had the time to decorate it.

"You know what- I really think we should decorate the tree." I suggest.

" Now? But it's almost 11 pm and we both are working tomorrow!" Amelia argues. Can we do it tomorrow night?" she negotiates with pleading eyes.

" No- we need to do it tonight. Because if we put it off until tomorrow night, we'll never get around to decorating it." I reason.

" Right, ok then." she relents, showing me her adorable pout.

The next couple of hours are spent laughing and joking, as we work together to decorate the Christmas tree. I've to admit, decorating a Christmas tree requires teamwork, and can be really fun if you have someone to decorate it with.

Now, there is only one ornament left to hang up on the tree.

" I can't reach the top." she pouts adorably again, as she tiptoes to hang the shining star ornament on the top of the tree.

" I have an idea." I say, winking at her.

Before she can reply, I effortlessly lift her off the ground, and she chuckles as she proudly hangs the star ornament on top of the tree. I then twirl her around as she giggles in delight before putting her down. For a brief moment, I imagine myself doing the same thing for our future daughter. I try to shake that thought off my mind. No, we are not ready yet. One step at a time, Owen.

After that, we switch on the lights and lie below the Christmas tree hand in hand, looking up at the sparkling lights. I have a feeling that this is going to be the best Christmas yet. There is nothing better than spending Christmas with the one you love.

 **As usual- comments, reviews, reblogs and messages are very much appreciated. I really appreciate them and would love to hear from you! 3 3 Do let me know what you think! ;)**

 **p.s. Amelia's dress is the one she wore for her first date with James in Private Practice**


	3. Chapter 3

**The next weekend**

 **Amelia's POV**

I stride down the corridors of the neurosurgical floor, having just finished reviewing my post-op patients. Andrew DeLuca trails behind me, trying to keep up with my pace. All the patients seem stable, to my relief. All my surgeries today have gone on well, without any complications. Today is a great day indeed. I walk over to the nurses counter to sign the discharges and give some instructions to the nurses.

"Mrs. Gonzalez in room 307 can be discharged this evening," I say , as I sign on her electronic chart. "And Mr. Lanchester in room 310 can be discharged tomorrow morning if his vitals remain stable overnight. But I'll check on him again tomorrow morning before he is to be discharged."

Frances, the nurse who has been working on the neurosurgical floor for more than 10 years, nods as I hand her the patients' charts, complete with all the orders from the rounds.

"Thank you." I say, smiling at her.

I run through my to-do list for the day in my head, making sure I didn't miss anything out. All the surgeries lined up for the day, both elective and emergency have been performed, the post-op patients have been reviewed, and I have rounded on all my patients. Satisfied that my day's work has been done- I turn over to face DeLuca.

"DeLuca", I say, tapping him on the shoulder and giving him a dimpled simple. "It looks like we're done for the can go back home now."

" Ok, Dr. Shepherd." he says, giving me a nod. He is fast becoming my favorite resident, after Edwards quit. I love his drive, energy, enthusiasm and new found passion for Neuro. He picks things up fast.

I expect him to leave right away. Instead, he stands rooted to his spot and stares at me.

"Don't you have somewhere else to be?" I ask puzzled. Lately, I see him hanging out with one of the interns- I think her name is Sam, I'm not 100% sure. I spot them in the cafeteria together, and walking down the hospital corridors together. Once, I spotted them sneaking into an on-call room together. I'm not the type to mind the business of other's so I didn't prod him about it.

"No….it's just…'' he shuffles his feet and clears his throat.

"Just say it, DeLuca.." I say, tilting my head to one side, waiting for his answer.

" You seem really chipper today." he finally gathers the courage to say it out loud. "Like really cheerful. I mean, yes, you're always cheerful, but yeah like even more cheerful today."

" Well, she's cheerful because she's going out on a date today." a familiar voice answers for me. We both turn to see Maggie walking towards us with a knowing smirk on her face.

DeLuca raises his eyebrows to look at me as I shrug nonchalantly. He then looks at Maggie, who diverts her gaze somewhere else. I think they have barely spoken to each other since their breakup, but it's not my place to judge.

" I'm going on a date with my husband, that's all. You can go." I say as I wave him off.

He opens his mouth to say something, but then decides against it and walks away towards the elevator instead.

"So what movie are you both watching tonight?"Maggie asks me as soon as DeLuca is out of sight.

 _"Jumanji:Welcome To The Jungle"_ I answer. "I heard that it's really good. I loved the first movie.

'' Oh- that movie! I really loved it too! I took Zola and Bailey to watch it last week and we all really enjoyed the movie." she proclaims excitedly.

" That's great. I'll enjoy it too." I say, smiling. I love to spend time with the Shepherd kids. Unfortunately, ever since I got married and moved out of the house, I have been babysitting less for them.

"So…both of you are really working on this." she points out.

She doesn't know the entire details of mine and Owen's marital problems except that I was running away from him for the past several months. She was kind enough to not prod me regarding the details.

"Yes, we decided to give our relationship a brand new start. You know- dating and getting to know each other better.'' I reply.

"That's great! I'm so glad for you both!" she exclaims earnestly as she hugs me and I reciprocate the hug. I'm glad that she's being so supportive.

"Yes, we're taking this slowly and steadily now." I say.

"That's good." Maggie nods her head in approval. "That's really good."

I am about to reply her when Meredith enters the room, looking flustered.

"Amelia - oh good you're here! Listen- I need someone to take care of my kids for tonight. I am on call tonight and they have just paged me to the OR for an emergency laparotomy. I don't know how long exactly I'll be in the OR, but it's for 6 hours at least. I need someone to pick up my kids later." she says, a hurried tone in her voice as she barely looks at me.

My heart sinks. As much as I love to babysit my nieces and nephew, I can't at the moment, because I have a date tonight. I try to form a perfect excuse to tell her.

"I'm sorry, I can't Mer." I manage a feeble reply.

"Why not?"she asks, a confused tone in her voice.

Before I can reply her, Maggie comes to my rescue.

"Well, she can't because she has a date tonight."she answers for me, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Oh, a date?" Mer is now looking at me with her eyebrows raised.

"Yes, a date… with my husband." I finally speak up.

"Oh yes, of course.." she mutters, suddenly looking ashamed. I can see a hint of sadness in her eyes. "I'll call Jane the nanny."

My heart suddenly sinks as I remember that Mer hasn't been on a date for ages- not since Nathan left with Megan.

For a split second, I consider turning down my date with Owen just so that I can babysit my precious nieces and nephew. Then, I remember that I have made a commitment to him for a movie date tonight, and we have been looking forward to the date for an entire week. I can't just cancel on him last minute like that- it's not how a relationship works.

I place a hand on Meredith's shoulder.

"I'm sorry Mer- the date has been planned since a week ago. Jane is really good with the kids, and they adore her. I promise I'll babysit them when I can."

She gives me a small smile.

"It's ok, Amelia, I totally understand. You go and enjoy your date with your husband." she says, a sincere tone in her voice.

"Right, I'll see you both tomorrow."I smile and wave at them as I begin heading towards the elevator which will bring me to the attendings lounge. I need to change to my street clothes, I'm supposed to meet Owen at the lobby in 10 to 15 minutes time.

Meredith seems to have changed lately. Right after Derek's death, she had been acting bitter towards me, as if blaming me for his death when she was the one who failed to call me during his final moments here on earth. I had this impression that she wasn't too fond of me. Once, she told me that it was because I reminded her too much of her brother. I think she was placing her grief and anger over Derek's death on me. But since I had been diagnosed with a brain tumor and had surgery to remove the tumor, she has been so much nicer towards me. I wasn't used to it at first, but then I realize that she is being genuinely nice now. Maybe the time she spent with Nathan has changed her perspective on life.

"Have fun!" I hear Maggie calling out.

I turn back to wink at them. Nothing is going to dampen my spirits today.

* * *

When I arrive at the lobby 15 minutes later,Owen is already waiting for me, also changed to his street clothes. I think he has changed earlier and has been waiting for me here for more than 15 minutes as I didn't meet him in the attending's lounge..

He is pacing up and down, which makes me chuckle. He always does that when he is nervous or excited about something. I'm thinking it's the later in this case.

His face lights up as soon as he sees me and a huge smile forms on his face.

A smile forms on my face too as I walk up towards him and give him a friendly peck on the cheek.

"So are we ready to go?" he asks, as he wraps an arm around my shoulder.

I nod eagerly, as we exchange smiles and walk hand in hand out of the hospital doors. I can see the receptionist and a few nurses looking at us, but I don't care. I think it's because we very seldom show public displays of affection in the hospital, even after we got married. But now, part of starting anew in our relationship is being unashamed of showing public displays of affection in the hospital. We are married to each other after all.

* * *

"Wow- that was a great movie in _deed._ "I proclaim as we walk hand in hand out of the movie theatre.

 _Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle_ was a perfect combination of hilarious and entertaining moments, as well as action packed moments which kept us on the edge of our seats. We both held hands throughout the entire movie and shared a huge bag of popcorn. We chuckled at the funny scenes and held each other's hands tight as our hearts raced during the action-packed scenes. I haven't enjoyed a movie this much in such a long time. Come to think of it, it has been ages since I last watched a movie in the cinema.

"Bethany as Shelly was HILARIOUS!" I point out chuckling. "My favorite scene was when she was learning how to pee as a male."

" I know- that was hilarious! Oh my God- this is so cool! Martha- come look at my penis!' Owen tries to imitate Shelly's voice and facial expression. We both burst into a fit of laughter, causing a few passers-by to steal glances at us. We don't care. I feel so carefree and light-hearted today, like a teenager going on date with her new boyfriend. I haven't felt this way in a long time, not since my teenage years.

"Do you want to grab something to eat? I'm starving."Owen proclaims just as his stomach growls.

"Yes-I can hear that."I laugh. "Actually I am feeling hungry too.

"Where do you want to go to eat?" he asks, as he links his arm with mine.

"I don't know. You're the man here, you decide and I just follow." I answer.

"So we're being traditional now, are we?"he asks, winking at me.

"No, only for today." I insist, chuckling. "I'm too lazy to make decisions tonight. I'll just follow your lead."

"This is very unusual of you, but ok." Owen chuckles, as we stroll leisurely down the shopping mall corridors.

"How about that burger place over there?" he points to a corner shop selling burgers.

"Sure." I shrug. "I can devour an entire burger now."

We spend the next hour savoring our delicious burgers- his beef and mine chicken and having light conversation. We seem so comfortable around each other and can easily talk to each other about anything under the sun. The past week has been intense but rewarding, with us having late night chats in the bedroom, opening up to each other about our deepest, darkest secrets. I told Owen every single detail about my unicorn baby- how I missed him so much and how losing him still leaves a hole in my heart. Owen was very supportive, holding my hands and wiping away the tears that rolled down my cheeks as I spoke about my baby. In a way it was really liberating, being able to finally talk and open up about my baby. I feel like a huge burden has been lifted off my chest. In turn, Owen told me about his feeling of grief and self-blame when Megan disappeared and how confused he felt when she returned. He also opened up to me about his relationship with Cristina and how they parted ways when they both realized that they had different priorities in life.

Now that we have confided in each other about our deepest, darkest secrets and have no more secrets to hide from each other, our relationship is more carefree. We can giggle, laugh, joke and make fun of each other like a couple of teenagers.

We exchange stories about our patients. Owen tells me about a woman coming into his ER today complaining of vaginal pain. Just when he and April were about to investigate for sexual abuse, she finally volunteered the history that she had stuffed her vibrator too high up her vagina and couldn't remove it. We both double over in laughter as Owen tells me about the case, causing the couple sitting at the next table to glance over at us. I can't remember when was the last time I laughed this much.I listen intently as he tells me about every case that came into the ER for the day, feeling like I was there in the ER with him.

In turn, I tell him about all my surgeries for the day, and how each surgery went on smoothly. I talk about how I removed an astrocytoma from a 10 year old child without any complications. Talking about my surgeries and my patients makes me excited and gives me life. There is a saying that when you love what you do, you don't have to work a single day of your life. I find this very true. I really love my job- cutting into brains to save lives gives me the thrill and exhilaration which nothing else can. Well, except dating Owen Hunt.

As I continue chatting about my day, he looks at me with a focused expression, smiling and nodding his head in approval at my every word.

"I'm so happy for you, Amelia. Remember when you expressed your concern that you wouldn't be able to continue being a neurosurgeon after the surgery to remove your tumor?" he asks as I nod. Yes, I do remember having doubts about returning to the OR after my surgery.

"Well, obviously that's not true. You're back in full force, stronger than ever and kicking ass in the OR!"he says, full of conviction.

I feel joy surge through me at his words, as a dimpled smile forms on my face. Yes, I am back indeed! Nothing is ever going to take my passion for neurosurgery away from me.

We then switch to light-hearted conversation. As I chat away, I notice him staring at me intently.

"What are you staring at, Owen?" I ask him, frowning.

He looks a little embarrassed to be caught staring at me.

"Ermmm…nothing. It's just that you have some sauce stuck on the side your mouth."he points out, chuckling.

I instinctively proceed to wipe my mouth with my napkin, and look down at the still clean napkin.

"Wait, it's the wrong side. Let me do it for you.'' he offers as he wipes away the sauce with his napkin.

Our eyes linger on each other for a long moment before he uses his hand to cup my face, and I hold his hand in mine.

"Do you know you look so adorable just now- chatting away, unaware of the stain of sauce beside your mouth?"he chuckles as he raises his eyebrows at me, causing me to blush.

'' Well, you're hot when you stare at me like that." I wink at him.

We hold hands across the table as we exchange smiles. My heart beats fast in my chest, I feel like a teenager in love.

I think I elicit the same reaction from him, judging from the way he is looking lovingly at me.

At this moment, everything else fades into the background. It's just the both of us in the moment, nothing else matters. I feel butterflies in my stomach. Is this what it's like to fall in love all over again with someone?

* * *

A couple of hours later, we are both curled up on the couch in front of the TV. After having showered, we both decide that we don't want to go to bed just yet, as we don't want this night to end. Furthermore, our shifts for the next day don't begin that early, so we decide to enjoy each other's company for the rest of the night.

An old romantic movie titled 'You've Got Mail' is playing on TV. As we have both watched it before, we aren't really paying attention to the movie.

Owen has his hand wrapped around my shoulder and I am leaning my head on his chest, listening to the comforting sound of his heartbeat and relishing in the warmth of his embrace.

We snuggle for a few long blissful moments, pretending to be interested in the show. I am beginning to feel sleepy.

"Hey, do you want to play a game?" Owen suggests suddenly.

"A game? What game?" I ask, intrigued.

" Never have I ever."he grins at me. "Have you ever played that game before?"

"Oh yes, I have!" I exclaim excitedly, recalling playing the game with my friends in high school, at the time when I was struggling with alcohol addiction.

Owen brings over 2 glasses of water and places it on the coffee table.

"So who starts first?" he asks.

"You go first."I suggest.

"Ok." he clears his throat.

"Never have I ever- had sex in an airplane before." he begins.

I shrug, not touching my glass. He chuckles.

"Alright let's move on to the next question then. You next." he nudges me gently.

"Never have I ever- bungee jumped before."I admit.

He takes a sip of his drink. "I have, in New Zealand- during my college years with my friends. It was one of the most fun trips I had, and one of my best experiences ever." he admits.

"I'm jealous."I wink at him.

"I'll bring you bungee jumping one day."he offers as my eyes light up and I look at him. He has an earnest expression on his face.

"Really? Promise?"

"Yes, really." he links his pinky finger with mine, causing a smile to form on my face.

" Ok, my turn….. Never have I ever- stolen before." he offers.

I slowly take a sip from my cup."Like I told you that night, I stole Derek's car and crashed it during my teenage years."I admit. " He was so mad at me and wouldn't speak to me for weeks after that."

"I would be furious at Megan too, if she were to do that." he chuckles.

"My turn…..never have I ever- made a prank phone call."I say.

He takes a sip of his water. "When I was a kid, with my friends. We dialed 911 and told them that there was an emergency. We ran and hid in the bushes, watching as the team arrived to find nothing. We were really naughty back then." he chuckles, causing me to chuckle too.

"Never have I ever.….embarrassed myself in front of a crowd."he suggests.

I take a sip of my water. " I was drunk and dancing on top of a bar counter before I fell from the bar counter, sending a few glasses crashing down together with me. I called Sheldon to bring me to the hospital and I stitched myself up after that." I chuckle at the memory. I was so wild back then.

"You're pretty badass, you know that?"Owen says, chuckling.

"I know." I reply, winking at him.

For the next hour, we continue playing the game, having so much fun in each other's company, and discovering new things about each other.

By the time we have run out of questions to ask, we are both exhausted. We end up sleeping on the couch, cuddled up with each other.

 **END**

 **Alright guys, this is it- comments, reviews and messages are very much appreciated. I would love to hear from you! Do let me know what you think!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Starting Over - chapter 4**

 **Looking To The Future**

 **Hey guys- this is chapter 4 of 'Starting Over ' and another part of my season 14 story arc. In this chapter- Owen and Amelia face an important discussion about their future.** **Again, thank you so much to all you loyal readers and reviewers out there- you keep me writing! 3**

It has been 5 months since Owen and I decided to give our relationship a fresh start. For me, it is the best decision I have ever made.

We would go on dates together at nights when neither of us is on call. Some nights, it's burgers or pizza at a nearby fast food joint, other nights it would be just cuddling together on the couch with Chinese takeout, watching a romantic movie. Although they are just simple dates, I have never felt happier before in my life. Sometimes, it's not where you go on a date, but who you go on a date with that matters. Whether we go to a fancy restaurant ( like where we went on our first date) or a fast food joint ( where we went on our subsequent dates), or just cuddle up on the couch together, it makes me happy to just be able to spend time with Owen.

I feel like I'm in 7th Heaven every day. With everything out in the open between us and no secrets left to hide, we can just be our authentic selves around each other. We joke and tease each other, and chuckle at each other's lame jokes. We share everything and anything about work- he tells me about his day in the ER and in turn I tell him about my day in the OR. We discuss interesting cases and sometimes brainstorm together to diagnose patients presenting with atypical symptoms. At work- we are no longer ashamed to show public displays of affection, sharing a hug or a kiss whenever we meet each other in the ER. Once, Owen and I got to scrub into a surgery together, a rare occurrence, to treat a patient who had been in a motor vehicle accident. All the general surgeons were in other ORs and the patient had an intraabdominal hemorrhage. He also had a subdural hemorrhage which needed to be drained out. The first 15 minutes in the OR was intense as we fought hard to save the patient. As soon as the patient's vitals stabilized, our light-hearted banter followed, with me still working on the brain and him still working on the abdomen. I can see the amused look on the faces of everyone else in the OR, behind their masks. After the surgery was over and declared a success, we celebrated in a nearby on-call room which happened to be vacant at that time.

Even at work, when he pages me down to the ER, I would feel my heart beating fast in anticipation of just being able to see him and talk to him, even if it is just him referring a patient to me. When we meet at the ER or somewhere else in the hospital when at work, we would steal glances, smile and wink at each other. Even simple gestures like this mean a lot to me.

I haven't felt this happy and carefree in ages, not since the day my Dad died. I feel like I am on top of the world and nothing can bring me down. I am so in love with Owen Hunt and he is so in love with me. What can possibly be better than this?

I now look forward to the end of my shift every day, as the end of a shift means going home to him. My favorite time of the day is when I am cuddled on the couch in the living room with Owen, half watching a lame TV show. I would lean on his chest and feel the warmth of his embrace and the comfort of his heartbeat as he holds me close. In his arms, I feel safe. In his embrace, I feel like nothing the universe throws at me ( like it always does) will bring me down anymore.

* * *

Tonight, Owen and I are on one of our dates, but we are not alone. Both Meredith and Maggie are on call tonight, so I am babysitting for the Shepherd kids. Luckily, Owen isn't on call tonight either, so he can help out.

Meredith arrives at our house at exactly 6 pm, holding Ellis on one hand and holding Bailey on the other. She has a huge bag slung over her shoulder. Zola is trotting along happily by her side.

"Hey." she greets me as I open the door, with Owen standing behind me.

"Hey." I greet back politely. "Hey kiddos." I say smiling at my nieces and nephew.

"Here's their overnight bag. I've packed all their belongings inside- their clothes, Ellis's teddy bear." Meredith says as she hands the huge bag over to me and Owen takes it from me. I'll come to pick them up at about 7:30 am tomorrow. But just in case I get delayed or something at work, you can drop them off at the hospital tomorrow.' she says in a hurried tone.

"Ok, sure, no problem." I say, as Owen nods in agreement.

" Auntie Amy! Uncle Owen!" Zola exclaims as she runs towards me to give me a bear hug. Bailey runs towards Owen to give him a hug too. Meredith lets go of Ellis as the little girl walks over to me and hugs my leg as well. I bend down to pat her gently on the head as Owen lifts her up to sit on top of his shoulder.

Sensing that she isn't needed anymore, Meredith adjusts her coat.

"Well, ok, I've got to get going. I'm running late for my evening rounds. Thank you so much, both of you, I know this is rather last minute." says Meredith as she gives me a small smile. She had just asked me to babysit her children this morning.

" It's no problem at all- it's always my pleasure to babysit them." I say earnestly as I look down smiling at Zola, who gives me a wide smile in return. Owen is already twirling Bailey and Ellis around as they both squeal with glee.

Although Meredith doesn't say it outright, I know that she trusts me to take care of her children. If Maggie isn't available to babysit her kids, she would approach me for help. Deep down inside, I'm glad that she entrusts me with her children. They mean the world to me, they are the last reminder I have of my brother Derek.

'Bye Zola, bye Bailey, bye Ellie- I'll see you guys tomorrow. Mommy loves you." Meredith says as she gives each of them a quick peck on the cheek, before waving goodbye and closing the door behind her.

As soon as the door closes behind Meredith, Zola tugs my arm, grinning widely. She loves spending time with me, and I enjoy spending time with her and her siblings.

" Auntie Amy, I'm hungry! "she implies, as she rubs her stomach to emphasize her point.

" You haven't had dinner yet?" I ask as I take her hand and lead her to the kitchen. Owen follows closely behind with Bailey and Ellis in tow.

" No, not yet. Mommy was in a hurry just now. She said that I can have dinner with you and uncle Owen.." says Zola matter-of-factly.

I totally understand that Meredith must have been rushing to drop her children off at my place and had to rush back to the hospital to begin her call.

" Ok, what would you like to eat, Zola?" I ask her as I open the fridge which is almost empty, save for some yogurt and salad. I've to admit, Owen and I seldom cook. We either eat outside or order takeout.

I lock eyes with Owen, who also notices the almost empty fridge. We both know that we need to do some urgent grocery shopping.

Zola thankfully doesn't notice this, as she skips around the kitchen happily.

" I want pizza!" she exclaims.

" What about you, Bailey?" I ask the little boy, as I stoop down to his level. Unlike his elder sister, who is a cheerful and chatty girl, Bailey is rather shy and reserved, usually content with just tagging behind her.

" Pizza!" he echoes.

"How about you, Ellie?" Owen asks Ellis as he strokes her hair.

" Down!" she proclaims, as she struggles in his arms.

We both chuckle at her answer as Owen puts her down and holds her hands.

" Ok, we're going out for pizza" Owen confirms, as Zola and Bailey cheer joyfully.

He walks into the living room to grab his car keys and the rest of us follow behind. It's going to be an exciting night ahead.

* * *

Over an hour later, we are at the neighborhood supermarket doing some grocery shopping after having filled our stomachs with pizza.

Owen is holding Zola and Bailey with one hand each, while I am pushing Ellis, who is sitting in the trolley, surrounded by our groceries.

We reach an aisle with a wide variety of sweets stacked on one side.

" Uncle Owen- I want the sweets!" Bailey calls out, tugging at his hand.

Owen's eyes meet mine. I shake my head as a silent signal for him to not cave in.

" Bailey- we already have plenty of chocolates in the trolley. Too many sweet things isn't good for you. You mom told me not to give you too many sweets." I try to explain to him gently.

Bailey pouts a little but continues following us quietly.

I continue pushing Ellis on the trolley as Owen follows behind with Bailey and Zola. I stop by the biscuits section and throw some chocolate biscuits into the trolley as Ellis giggles in delight.

Meanwhile, Owen and Zola are looking at some snacks in the opposite aisle.

I am so preoccupied with surveying the wide range of biscuits available, when suddenly I feel a tap on my shoulder.

" Where is Bailey?" Owen asks, his eyebrows furrowed.

" What?! I thought he was with you?" it's my turn to frown.

" I let go of his hand for a moment to pick up a few packets of crackers, and the next minute he's gone." Owen explains in a calm voice.

" I was helping uncle Owen and I didn't notice Bailey walking away either." Zola chimes in.

'Meredith is going to kill me.' I think to myself. He is her only son.

" What are we waiting for? Let's find him!" I hiss as I stride down the aisle, yelling out his name.

" Bailey! Bailey!" I call, as a few strangers give odd looks in my direction. I don't care. All I care about at this moment is locating my nephew.

"I'm going to go make an announcement." I proclaim as I walk towards the information counter, beads of cold sweat forming on my forehead.

" Amelia, calm down. He might be wandering down the next aisle. I don't think he would wander far off. Maybe he went back to the sweets aisle to retrieve the sweets we denied him just now." Owen explains rationally as he trails behind me, pushing the trolley, with Zola trotting beside him.

I calm down at his words, and we walk back to the sweets aisle. Sure enough, there Bailey is, chatting with one of the staff working at the store.

"Bailey!" I call out as I rush over to him. " You almost gave me a heart attack!" I exclaim as I hug him tightly.

" I found him going through the packets of sweets here. I was asking him where his parents were." the young lady said, smiling. "He's such a sweet boy indeed."

"Thanks so much. "Owen says, shaking her hand.

" It's no problem at all. Children get lost all the time. We always have to make announcements." she chuckles.

" Bailey- don't you do that ever again!" Zola scolds in the most grown-up voice she can muster, as she places her hands on her hips, causing Owen and I to exchange a smile.

Owen takes the bag of sweets from Bailey's hand and places it in the trolley.

"You've got a beautiful family here." the woman says, still smiling. "Ok, I've got to get back to work now. I hope you enjoy the rest of your day! "she says cheerfully as she gives us a quick wave and walks away.

As I watch her retreating figure, I suddenly realize two things- first, I don't know her name, and second, she had assumed that we were a family. A family. With Owen. Just an hour earlier, during dinner, the kind-looking waitress had also mentioned that we are a beautiful family. As we were starving and the pizzas she was serving was so tempting, we didn't bother to correct her. This is the second time within the same day we have been assumed to be a family. Suddenly, a random thought of me and Owen bringing our kids to dinner and grocery shopping crosses my mind. I quickly shake the thought off my mind. No, we're not ready to start a family yet. Or are we? When is actually the right time? In a year's time? A few year's time? Since we got back together, Owen and I have yet to discuss starting a family. We just want to enjoy each other first. Owen's eyes meet mine as we stand there, watching the woman walk away. I know what he's thinking. I shrug and proceed to the check out counter, holding Bailey and Zola's hand as Owen follows behind, pushing the trolley.

* * *

A few hours later, Owen and I are standing in the guest bedroom where all 3 Shepherd children are sleeping peacefully, huddled in one big bed. We watch their chests rise and fall, and the serene look on their faces as they sleep. It is such a precious sight to behold. Sometimes, watching them, I wish I am a small child again, unaware of the big bad world out there.

Earlier on in the night, after letting the children play with the toys we bought for them, and after their bathtime, I read them a bedtime story while Owen took his shower. Ellis fell asleep immediately, while Zola and Bailey both were still wide awake and demanded more. Owen joined me, coming to my rescue, as we read them another story. After a few stories, their eyes finally shut and they both surrendered to sleep too.

" They look so peaceful while sleeping." I whisper softly, so as not to wake them up.

" They do." Owen agrees as he places an arm around my waist.

I look up at him and we both exchange a smile, before turning our attention back to the sleeping children. We stand in silence for a few more moments, just savoring this beautiful and peaceful moment.

" Can you imagine watching our children sleep?" Owen whispers softly, but loud enough for me to overhear as he continues looking at them.

Now I'm looking at him. He's doing it again. Way to ruin a peaceful moment, Owen.

" Our hypothetical children? Owen, don't get too ahead of yourself just yet." I hiss softly as I walk out of the room and he follows me behind, shutting the door softly behind him.

" Amelia." Owen begins once we reach our own bedroom. "I'm sorry, I didn't know that my comment would upset you so much. I didn't mean it that way."

"It's ok." I say in a monotonous tone of voice. I am tired, and I just don't have the energy to speak to him or argue with him right now. "I'm going to take a shower. " I announce, as I walk over to the wardrobe to retrieve my pajamas and bathrobe.

Owen sighs, shaking his head sadly. He knows that when I use that tone of voice- it's no use arguing with me.

* * *

I take a longer shower than usual, feeling the comforting feeling of the warm water touching my skin. As I stand below the shower, I let myself feel all my past sorrows and hurts. I find my mind drifting to my unicorn baby. The precious, beautiful, innocent baby who was gone too soon. I still remember holding him in my arms for the few precious minutes as he squeaked, before he was taken away from me. For that few moments, I was a mother. I am still a mother, the only difference is that my child is no longer with me. I wonder- what would he have been like if he is still alive? He would have been 6 this year. He might love running around on the playground or soccer field with other boys his age. He might love Transformers, or one of the Marvel superheroes. He might love ice-cream and chocolate and hate vegetables. And I would have brought him to dinner and grocery shopping, then read him a bedtime story before tucking him to bed and watching him sleep at night, just like I did to the Shepherd children this evening. But now that he's gone, I can't do all these things.

I feel a few tears roll down my cheeks and I let the water from the shower wash them away.

I don't know whether I am ready to have children again. I remember the paralyzing fear I felt when I was waiting for the pregnancy test last year, and the overwhelming relief I felt when it turned out to be negative. Owen didn't know how I felt back then, and although he now knows the full story, I'm not sure he can fully understand or empathize with me.

So many thoughts cross my mind now. Am I ready to start a family with Owen? Am I ready to be a mother again? Am I ready to go through pregnancy again, and face the uncertainty of the outcome this time? What if I have another anencephalic baby? I know very well that Owen will be by my side to support me and he'll love me no matter what- but I just can't have another anencephalic baby. I just can't lose another baby. There is already a hole in my heart which my first baby left, I can't bear to suffer yet another loss. Can anyone understand this?

As the water from the shower continues flowing down my skin, more thoughts enter my mind.

All this while, I have been so preoccupied with the fear that any subsequent baby I have might be anencephalic. Addison has told me over and over again that the chances of me having another anencephalic baby is very low, but I refuse to believe it. Instead, I let the fear of it happening consume me.

What if….what if I actually let myself feel hope for once? What if I let myself believe that I can actually have a healthy baby, have healthy babies? What if I let myself believe that I can start a beautiful family and have a wonderful life with Owen? I have been so tied down by my past that I never allowed myself to dream about my future. Maybe….just maybe….it is possible that I can have an incredible future with Owen. Owen is a wonderful guy, so loving, caring and compassionate. It is obvious that he loves me so much, and I love him deeply too. I know how much he wants a family. Deep down inside, beneath all my fears about having another anencephalic baby- I am also longing for a family. A family which I never had growing up, not since my dad's death. Maybe for once, the universe wouldn't conspire against me?

I finally decide now that I cannot run away from the shadows of my past anymore. I have to face the demons of my past, defeat them, and look forward to a future full of hope, love and happiness.

Of course, this includes talking to Owen.

When I step out of the shower, Owen is already snuggled under the blankets asleep. He must have had a tiring day at work, plus the tiring evening with the kids.

After putting on my pajamas, and checking on the kids again in the room next door, I climb over to my side of the bed and pull the covers over me carefully, making sure not to wake Owen up.

He slowly stirs beside me.

"Owen, are you awake?" I whisper as I slowly turn over to face him.

" Yeah." he replies in a low voice.

" Look- I'm sorry for how I behaved earlier. I know I was out of line." I say softly as Owen slowly turns around to face me. I can see his downcast facial expression clearly as the bedroom lights are still on.

"I told you about my unicorn baby that night on our first date. " I begin and pause, not knowing how to continue .

"I know. "Owen says softly as he nods, and takes my hands in his. "I know how much the loss impacted you and how much you miss him."

The bedroom is silent again as I run in my head what to say next. I really need him to understand me, because we're in this together.

I swallow hard before I continue. "You know- when I look at my nieces and nephew sleeping, I wonder what it's like to watch my own son sleeping." I begin. "He would be 6 now, and he would have been running around and giving us scares like what Bailey did just now. I would like to think he would have been a happy and cheerful boy, always putting a smile on my face."

Owen just rubs my arm softly, as a silent gesture of support.

"But then, I think- if I continue to cling to the 'what ifs' about him, how am I supposed to go on with my life? He's no longer here with me, and there is nothing I can do about it. I chose to think that he's in a better place now and I'll meet him someday. But until then, I don't think he would like to see me wasting my life clinging to the past like this. I don't think Derek, Ryan or my dad would have liked that either. I think they would've wanted me to be happy and move on with my life. "I say.

Owen nods, seemingly in understanding. "I know what you mean. I guess I am subconsciously holding onto my past too. My family just wasn't the same after my dad died. I think in a way I wanted a family to fill the void that his death left behind. I do think he would want me to move on as well."

I nod as we lock eyes. Now I understand why Owen has always wanted a family.

"I guess we both have scars from our past and demons of our past which haunt us. "I say. "We have both lost loved ones and know the pain and anguish that loss brings. But I do think that our loved ones we lost just want us to be happy and move on with our lives."

"We need to move on. Have a brand new start. Which is what we're doing now." Owen points out, a serious look on his face.

" Yes- and part of moving on is starting a family." I finally blurt the word out before I can stop myself.

Our eyes meet as I notice Owen's face slowly light up at the mention of the word 'family.'

"Amelia." he whispers as he takes my hand in his. "It's ok if you don't want to start a family. Yes, having a family means so much to me, but if you aren't ready, or don't want to have children, it's totally ok too. I wouldn't force you. Or maybe we can just adopt or foster. I've learned my lesson. I just want you to be happy, I love you so much and just want both of us to be happy together. We can be happy together and build a wonderful future together, with or without children."

I study the earnest expression on his face.

"The thing is- I do want children." I say honestly. "Deep down inside- I do want children of my own. I love kids. I enjoy babysitting for my nieces and nephew. But before this- I was clinging to the memories of my unicorn baby. I was letting the fear of having another anencephalic baby prevent me from the wonderful possibilities that the future holds. I think I should really let go of my past and look forward to the future. I mean, what lies ahead is scary, but it's exciting at the same time. I feel like with you by my side, I can face anything the universe will throw at me in the future."

" Yes, I'll be by your side to support you no matter what." Owen says, an earnest tone in his voice.

I nod and smile at him, before I swallow again. What I'm about to say next is important.

" With you by my side- I'm ready to start a family." I say, softly, but loud enough so that he can hear me.

Owen blinks at first, as if unable to believe what he's hearing.

"Yes, I'm ready to start a family with you." I repeat, louder and clearer this time. Almost immediately, a huge burden is lifted off my chest. I have never been this sure of something before in my life.

" You sure about this, Amelia?" he asks cautiously as he takes my hand in his. " I mean- of course I would love to have children with you- but I don't want to pressure you if you aren't ready. I want you to be truly prepared first."

"Yes, I'm sure. I want to start a family with you, Owen. I want us to have children together- to take them for pizza and grocery shopping together. I picture our future together, reading bedtime stories to our children and watching them sleep. I want all this with you. " I say from the bottom of my heart as I look him in the eye.

A smile slowly forms on Owen's face.

He wordlessly pulls me close to him and kisses me on the forehead.

"I love you so much, Amelia." he whispers. "And our future children. They'll be perfect."

" They'll be perfect." I repeat, certain of what I'm saying.

Owen cups my face and our eyes meet. His eyes are shining, radiating joy. If he is happy, I'm happy too.

He then kisses me passionately on the lips and I reciprocate the kiss.

"I mean- not right now." I joke in between kisses. "I need to be off my pill first and we might need to wait a few more months for my hormones to balance back to normal."

"I know, but we can always practice first. Practice makes perfect, and practicing is fun." Owen winks at me as he pulls me in for another kiss.

That night, we celebrate our future- the future which is uncertain and scary, but exciting and full of amazing possibilities. With Owen by my side, the future is wonderful indeed.

 **Ok guys- this is it, the end of this chapter, Omelia finally agreeing on starting a family! I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please do let me know what you think- review, comments and messages are very much appreciated! I would really love to hear from you! 3 Receiving reviews and messages about my fics really keep me going and mean so much to me :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Starting Over - chapter 5**

 **Hey guys- here is Chapter 5 of 'Starting Over'. This is another fluffy chapter, to make up for the absence of Omelia on the show. I hope this can satisfy your Omelia cravings!**

 **I would like to take this opportunity to wish all the lovebirds out there a Happy Valentine's Day! 3**

 **3 months later**

 **Amelia's POV**

' _No, no, please don't throw up, please don't throw up.'_ I pray silently, as I am closing up the head of the young man who required emergency craniotomy to evacuate his subdural hematoma after he got involved in a motor vehicle accident.

I close my eyes for a while and fight back the feeling of nausea that suddenly overcomes me. I now feel bile rising in my throat. Sensing that I can't hold it back much longer, I put down the suturing equipment and tear my mask off.

" DeLuca- can you help me close?" I mutter as I remove my surgical gown hastily.

" Sure, Dr. Shepherd. " DeLuca replies cheerfully, obviously pleased to be given this golden opportunity.

Bello moves closer to DeLuca as she prepares to assist him in the closing, and they share a look. I know they are seeing each other but I don't care. They both seem to have a strong preference for neuro and love tagging along with me during my rounds and assisting me in the OR. The 3 of us make a perfect Neuro team.

"Are you ok, Dr. Shepherd?" DeLuca calls after me as he watches me rush out of the OR. I can't answer him as I am already covering my mouth and rushing to the nearest washroom, not even bothering to scrub out properly.

In the washroom cubicle, I empty all my guts contents out. This is the 5th time I have thrown up today, and I feel like I have been run over by a truck. My whole body feels exhausted, and I feel dizzy and nauseated.

I seldom fall sick, and it is a horrible feeling indeed. After I have emptied my entire guts contents out and flushed the toilet, I sink on the cold tile floor, with beads of cold sweat trickling down my forehead. I still have the post-op rounds to do this evening and I don't think I have the strength to go through it. I especially don't want to face DeLuca and Bello's questioning looks at me after what happened a while ago in the OR. I wonder what is wrong with me. Have I eaten something wrong last night? Owen and I ordered Chinese takeaway last night, maybe it's that. But Owen seemed fine this morning, whereas I already felt nauseous this morning. I didn't tell him though as I didn't want him to worry about me. I make a mental note to ask him later whether he is having the same symptoms as me. The second possibility is that I might have caught a nasty bug from my nieces and nephew. Zola, Bailey and Ellis were all ill with the stomach bug when I helped Meredith and Maggie take care of them a couple of days ago.

I finally gather the strength to get up from the floor. The rounds aren't going to start themselves. My post-op patients aren't going to review their latest vitals themselves, and the patients who have recovered aren't going to discharge themselves.

I rinse my mouth and wash my face as I look at myself in the ladies' room mirror. I look horrible indeed, haggard with dark eye bags and watery eyes. The good thing about my profession is that my patients are too busy dealing with their own ailments to bother about how I look. However, I do want this working day to be over and done with. First, because I am not feeling well, and second, because it's Valentine's Day and Owen and I have a special Valentine's Day date tonight. Since we had not planned our Valentine's Day earlier on and all the restaurants have been fully booked, we are planning to go to our favorite pizza place in town for a simple dinner before going home to watch a romantic movie.

Owen had reminded me about our date this morning and again in the ER at work, as if I have short-term memory loss. But I just think that he's really excited about our date, which is sweet.

Now though, I don't think I am well enough for the date. I thought that I would feel better by the end of the day, but apparently my body doesn't agree with me. Unfortunately, I'll have to cancel the date at the pizza place. Maybe we can take away pizza and cuddle on our couch with a movie instead.

I take out my phone to speed dial Owen, but he isn't picking up his phone. He might be busy attending to a trauma, so I decide to leave him a message instead, informing him that I am unwell and there is a change of plans for tonight.

* * *

Over an hour later, I am standing at the nurses' counter of the Paediatric ward, writing my discharge orders for Jack, an 8-year-old child who has recovered well from the surgery to remove his brain tumor. Alex and I have informed Jack and his parents that he is fit for discharge, much to their joy.

Alex joins me at the counter, signing his discharge.

" Finally, Jack can go home." he mentions. " He has been asking me daily when can he be discharged. I had to explain to him over and over again that we had to monitor the pressure in his brain and make sure it's stable first.'"

I look up from the tablet and give him a small smile.

"I'm glad that he can be discharged too." I reply before returning my attention back to the tablet. I am starting to feel nauseous again and I want to hurry up so that I can just go back to rest.

" No offense Shepherd, but you look like crap." Alex chuckles as I roll my eyes.

" Thank you for your compliment." I say sarcastically.

" Seriously though, are you ok?" he asks, his voice now filled with concern.

" Yes, I think I might have caught a bug or something from my nieces and nephew." I answer. " But I'm fine now."

Alex nods. "Yeah, I know that the Shepherd kids are ill. Poor things." he says.

His eyes now dart around, as if wanting to make sure there is no one within hearing distance from us.

" Can I ask you a question?" he asks suddenly.

Over the months, since I have confided in him about my unicorn baby, we have gradually evolved from calling each other by surname at work to being on a first name basis. I can sense that he's about to ask me something personal.

"Yes, go ahead." I say, intrigued.

" In your opinion, what is the best way for a guy to propose?"

The nausea is suddenly gone. I finish entering my orders and finally give him my full attention.

" So you're proposing to Wilson?" I ask, as I study his expression. His eyes are gleaming with joy. Although he doesn't say it outright, I can see that he really loves Jo so much. Now that Paul is gone, there is nothing getting in between them now. I'm so happy for them both.

" I'm planning to. Tonight actually, today being Valentine's Day and all." he shrugs, as he grins. " But I want this to be extra special this time. I have proposed to her several times before, but each time she always turned me down. Turns out she was still legally married to Paul Stadler. This time, there is no reason for her to- as he is gone. "

" I say go for it. Propose to her in your own way." I say earnestly.

When I first heard about Jo and Paul Stadler when Alex filled me in one day, I felt my heart go out to Jo. I can't imagine ever having to go through what she did.

"So how did Owen propose to you?" Alex asks.

" He didn't propose to me. I proposed to him." I answer, shrugging.

" I just went up to his trailer and gave a silly speech which I have forgotten the content, but seemed to have captivated him. Seriously, if you both love each other, the proposal doesn't matter."

" Well, that makes me feel better." he chuckles. " Because Mer told me that Derek proposed to her in an elevator, with the scans of all their patients. I just can't top that."

" You don't have to, really. I don't think Wilson would expect you to do that." I say. I remember how amused I was when I first heard about how Derek proposed to Meredith in the elevator. It's so like my brother to do a grand gesture like that.

" Do you and Hunt have any special plans for tonight?" he asks. "I'm going to bring Jo to a special romantic dinner in Altura." he says, referring to a popular Italian restaurant in town.

" That's great." I answer as I smile politely. " I'm not feeling up to it today, so I guess we're just going to watch a romantic movie at home with some pizza."

Just then, as if on cue, my nausea returns, with a full vengeance this time. I can feel the bile rising in my throat again.

I cover my mouth wordlessly as I rush to the nearest washroom.

" Are you sure you aren't pregnant?" I can hear Alex asking me, but I don't stop running.

After having flushed my gut contents down the toilet yet again, I sit on the toilet seat, covering my head with my hands.

Alex's words ring in my mind.

 _" Are you sure you aren't pregnant?"_

What if I am? My mind races as I try to recall when was my last menstrual period. I am 2 weeks late. As my hormones have been out of place since my brain surgery last year, I didn't think much about it. But then again, my menstrual cycle has returned to normal for the past few months. Also, if I had the stomach bug and food poisoning, wouldn't I have diarrhea as well, instead of just vomiting?

Furthermore, Owen and I had agreed to start trying for a baby again a few months ago. I remember the look of joy on his face when I told him calmly and clearly that I was ready to start a family with him. I had stopped taking my birth control pills after that month. We have been having more sex than usual lately, with the excuse that we need lots of practice. We have lots of fun practicing. Still, I didn't expect it to be this soon. I thought that it would take at least a few months for my hormones to return to normal levels.

I stand up, feeling numb inside. No, I can't let myself feel anything yet. It might just be another false alarm. I am going to go to the pharmacy to pick up a home pregnancy test kit. I am not going to steal one from the supply closet because the last time I did so, Mer caught me. I don't want anyone catching me in the supply closet, and I certainly am not going to tell anyone that I might be pregnant until I am sure. I am going to do this test alone, and only tell Owen if it is positive, because I don't want to risk disappointing him again. I can still vividly recall the disappointed look on his face when the last pregnancy test I took turned out to be negative. I have learned my lesson.

* * *

An hour later, I am sitting on the edge of the bathtub of our en-suite bathroom, with the pregnancy tests sitting beside me. I shake my legs nervously. Throughout the entire trip to the pharmacy and the drive home, I refuse to let myself feel anything. But now, back in the privacy of my home, the reality of the situation finally sinks in. Of course, this might just be another false alarm, but what if it isn't? My heart is now thumping in my chest. I suddenly wish that Owen is here by my side, holding my hand, supporting me in this pivotal moment. But no, I cannot put him through disappointment yet again.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. An image of a little girl who looks like a miniature version of me, with brunette wavy hair and dimples, running in a field giggling happily enters my mind. A warm fuzzy feeling enters my heart as I see her.

I am rudely jolted back to reality by the sound of my phone's alarm ringing, signaling that the time is up.

I switch off the alarm and stay rooted to my spot. This is it, this is the time to find out. Suddenly, the oh so familiar feeling of fear overcomes me. What if the tests turn out to be negative? I wouldn't tell Owen, as I don't want to disappoint him yet again. But then, it would leave an empty feeling in my heart, knowing that my hopes were raised temporarily by the possibility of there being a baby, only to be dashed by the fact that there is no baby. I don't think I can keep this feeling to myself. What if the test is positive? Owen would be overjoyed, for sure. But can I allow myself to be as ecstatic about the news as him, seeing as bad things always happen to me?

I decide that I am not going to alter the results of the test by just sitting there and procrastinating on finding out.

I take a deep breath and look up at the ceiling, saying a silent prayer to the higher powers above to give me the strength to face the result- whatever it may be.

My heart beats fast as I take the test in my shaky hands and dare myself to finally look at it.

And gasp as I see the positive plus sign on the first test.

Well, maybe it's a false positive?

Feeling more courageous now, I pick up the second test. The big bold letters 'PREGNANT' stare back at me.

I stare at the words for a few long moments, as if me staring at the test would alter the results.

I gently put the pregnancy test stick down as I release a breath I didn't know I have been holding.

I close my eyes as I slowly let it sink in.

Pregnant. I am pregnant. With Owen's baby. Owen and I are finally starting our family.

I don't know what to feel. Sure, Owen and I had agreed to start a family a few months ago. This time, it is a mutual decision between both of us, and I didn't change my mind. I do indeed want to have beautiful children with Owen. We have even talked about our hypothetical children a couple of times since then - how many we want, and how they would look. We both wanted a large family as I came from a family of 5 children, and Owen has always thought that he and Megan should have had more siblings. We decided to be realistic as age is catching up with us, and settled for 3. There were some nights when I lie awake in bed wondering how our children will turn out to be, and smiling to myself thinking about how overprotective Owen will be.

Now that it is real, that I am indeed carrying Owen's baby inside of me, it is a surreal feeling. Of course, I would need a blood test and an ultrasound scan to confirm my pregnancy, but the chances of these tests being false positive are very low.

I am suddenly overcome by an overwhelming mixture of emotions. On one hand, I feel an extreme sense of joy. I am starting a family with a man who is deeply in love with me and whom I deeply love back. On another hand, there is an underlying fear at the back of my mind- what if this baby turns out to be anencephalic too? I quickly shake the thought off my mind. No, Owen and I have had this talk before. He has told me repeatedly that he'll be there for me no matter what happens, and that he'll support me through thick and thin, and will love me no matter what. I can't let myself be overcome by this irrational fear when the chances of it happening are so low. I had promised myself that I wouldn't be bound by the demons of the past. Instead, I try to focus on what Owen's reaction will be like. I can't wait to see the look of joy on his face when he learns about this wonderful news.

I take a deep breath as I continue sitting on the edge of the bathtub and evaluate the situation. Experience tells me that I shouldn't be too excited about this just yet. During my first pregnancy, I remember being in the denial phase initially, and then eventually allowing myself to be excited about the prospect of having Ryan's baby. However, that joy was short lived. I can still remember the look on Addison's face during my first ultrasound. However, I remind myself that this time it'll be different. The last time, Ryan couldn't be by my side throughout the entire pregnancy. This time around, I know that Owen will be by my side the whole time to support me. I know I'll have him, no matter what happens throughout the course of this pregnancy.

Thinking about Owen gives me the courage to face this news with a positive attitude. I realize that there are two ways in which I can react- first react with joy at the fact that I'm starting a family with my loving and caring husband, and look forward to our future together with our baby and any future children we might have. Second, react with fear and wait for the baby to be diagnosed with anencephaly ( which most likely would not happen). I choose the first option.

Still, I need to be cautious and not get too overjoyed just yet.

An idea crosses my mind. I can present the pregnancy tests to Owen as a Valentine's day gift , together with the light blue formal shirt and red boxers I bought him.

Smiling to myself, I carefully dry the pregnancy test stick and wrap it with several layers of toilet paper. Walking into our bedroom, I rummage one of the drawers for some leftover wrapping paper from Christmas. I chose one with beautiful heart designs and carefully wrap it around the toilet paper. I then place it together with my other wrapped up presents on the dressing room table and wait for Owen to come home. I pace up and down the bedroom, unable to sit still. Every second seems like a minute and every minute seems like an hour. _Come home soon, Owen. I have the best gift you'll ever receive waiting for you at home._

* * *

After what seems like hours, but in reality was just several minutes, I hear the front door open. My heart suddenly races in anticipation. This is it. This is the moment I'm going to deliver the news to Owen that we're going to be parents. Somehow, telling someone else about the fact that I'm pregnant makes it more real.

"Amelia? Where are you?" I hear Owen calling me from the living room.

I walk out from the bedroom, trying not to show any emotions on my face, as I want it to be a surprise.

Owen is placing a huge box of takeaway pizza on the dining table. He smiles as soon as he sees me. He walks up to me and hugs me, kissing the top of my forehead. He then releases me from his hold as studies me from head to toe.

" Are you ok?" he asks, his voice laced with concern. " You messaged me saying that you weren't feeling well." He then places the back of his hand tenderly on my forehead, mimicking a mother checking whether her child has a fever.

" Yes I did, but I'm feeling better now." I say, smiling meekly at him. " I have been throwing up the whole day."

Owen's eyebrows furrow with concern. " Oh no- I should have bought some soup for you instead." he says. " Did you eat something wrong? But we both ate the same thing yesterday. Or did you catch a bug from the hospital?"

I take his hands in mine, trying to calm him down. " It's ok, Owen, I'm ok now, really. I just want to spend the rest of the night cuddled up on the couch with you."

Owen's face relaxes upon my assurance.

" Ok. So pizza and movie date tonight?" he asks in a cheerful tone.

"Yes, but first I have something to give you." I say as our eyes meet. His eyes are full of love.

"I have something for you too." he says as he winks at me.

Now I'm curious as to what he has in store for me.

" So who goes first?" I ask, still looking up at him as he holds my hands in his.

" You. Ladies first." he answers, as he gives my hands a playful squeeze before releasing them.

" Ok then, follow me to the bedroom." I say as I take one of his hands in mine and lead him to the bedroom.

" Sit down." I gesture towards the bed, as he obeys.

" Does this involve something sexy?" he asks with raised eyebrows. " Something which involves both of us in bed together?" he adds in a teasing tone.

" Just wait and see." I reply, winking as I bring over the package containing the shirt and boxers and hand it over to him.

I watch as he unwraps the present carefully, careful not to tear the wrapping paper.

His face lights up as he takes out the light blue collared and long sleeved shirt first and unfolds the sleeve, inspecting the shirt.

" I love this, Amelia! I can wear it to formal meetings or conferences."

" I bet you look good in it. " I say smiling at him. "You'll look even more handsome with a tie on."

"Oh yes, my wife makes me handsome." he jokes as I laugh.

He then takes out the red boxers and looks at me in amusement as he holds it in his hands.

"I'm so going to wear this tonight." he announces, as he winks at me.

" Yes, I can't wait to see you wearing it. I'm already imaging how sexy you'll look in it." I say in a husky voice.

" I can't wait." he says in an equally sexy voice.

" Yes, but that'll have to wait until later tonight. Dinner and movie first." I remind him as he pretends to pout.

" Also, I have something else for you." I add as I walk over to the dressing table to pick up the wrapped pregnancy test.

My heart pounds in my chest as I walk over to him with the small present in my hands.

Owen is looking at it curiously. I'm sure he must be wondering what it can possibly be.

" Here, open this." I say calmly, trying to hide my anxiety. "I'm sure you'll love it." I add, grinning nervously.

I watch him unwrap the wrapping paper to reveal the toilet paper. He gives me another questioning glance.

" Unwrap it." I urge him, nodding towards the toilet paper in his hands.

Shrugging, he slowly unwraps the toilet paper to reveal the two positive pregnancy tests.

For a few seconds, the world stands still. He just stares at the tests, blinking his eyes rapidly, not moving a single inch.

I'm starting to get worried. I thought this is what he has always wanted? What if this is not what he wants any longer? But then, we did agree on this...

" Owen." I whisper, an anxious tone in my voice. " Say something."

He finally looks up at me and our eyes meet. His eyes are glistening with tears. I think this is the first time I've seen him cry.

"You're …pregnant." he whispers in awe. His voice is cracking with emotion.

" Yes, I am. " I reply, giving him a dimpled smile. " I found out just now and decided to present it to you as a Valentine's Day gift."

He suddenly pulls me in for a tight hug.

" Oh Amelia, I just can't believe this. I'm going to be a dad. We are going to be parents!" he proclaims as he gives me a tender kiss on the forehead.

As I look up at him, I can see a wide grin plastered on his face. I can tell that he's feeling ecstatic about the news.

" Yes, we are. " I confirm, still relishing in his embrace. " But….please don't tell anyone yet ok? I don't want anyone to know yet, not until I'm past my first trimester and everything is confirmed to be fine. "

" No I wouldn't." he promises, an earnest tone in his voice.

The grin suddenly leaves his face. "' Are you ok with this? I mean, we have discussed this and you agreed, but I understand how you might have reservations given your previous pregnancy.."

" I'm fine. I'm happy about this." I answer him honestly. " This is what I want, I want a family with you, Owen. I wouldn't lie, I've to admit that I am terrified of losing another baby. But at the same time, I am excited about starting a family with you. True love trumps fear. I know that with you by my side, I don't have to fear anything."

The grin returns as Owen stands up and pulls me to a standing position as well.

Suddenly, without warning, he lifts me up and twirls me around.

"We're having a baby!" he yells out loud, joy evident in his voice.

His joy is contagious, as I find myself grinning too in his arms. We're having a baby indeed.

* * *

 **Owen's POV**

My heart leaps with joy as I spin Amelia around in my arms.

She has just given me the best Valentine's Day gift I have ever received, and I can't be more in love with her.

Ever since my dad died, my family was never the same anymore. Although Mom tried to stay strong for me and Megan, and tried her very best to fill his role, at nights I would find her crying alone in her bedroom. She wasn't her old cheerful self anymore. Dad was the pillar of the family, and after he was gone, he left a huge gap in our lives. I vowed then to have a huge family of my own to fill the void I felt after losing Dad. I carried that vow with me until adulthood. I have always wanted to become a father, to watch my children blossom and grow before my eyes, and have children of their own. But after Cristina aborted my baby and Amelia yelled at my face that she didn't want a baby, I truly thought that dream of mine would never materialize. But that night a few months ago when Amelia told me that she was finally ready to have children with me, I can't express in words how grateful I am for her and how much I love her.

When I opened her present to reveal the two positive pregnancy tests, I was stunned at first and didn't know how to react. Sure, I have been dreaming of this moment forever. Sure, Amelia and I have agreed to start a family. But now that this dream of mine has become a reality, it still took me by total surprise.

However, once reality sank in about the fact that I'm going to be a dad, I felt an overwhelming sense of joy overtake me. I am about to start the family of my dreams with the woman of my dreams, what could make me happier than that?

I feel my heart bursting with joy and love as I spin Amelia in my arms and proclaim that we're having a baby. Just proclaiming that sentence makes it real, we are indeed having a baby.

Amelia sits down on the bed as soon as I put her down.

I suddenly remember that she isn't feeling well. My protective husband and daddy mode takes over immediately.

" Are you ok?" I ask as I sit down next to her. " Are you feeling dizzy and nauseous again? Did I spin you around too much?"

" A little, but I'm fine." she smiles at me reassuringly.

" We have to book an Obs/Gyn appointment for you." I suggest. " You need your prenatal vitamins, routine check and scan…."

" I know, I'll do that first thing tomorrow morning. I'll drop by the Obs/Gyn clinic before my rounds." she assures me. " You can come with me."

" Of course, I would love to." I say, without hesitation as she nods.

" Are you hungry? Will you be able to tolerate the pizza? If not, I can cook some soup for you, I think we still have some ingredients left in the fridge." I ask, concerned.

"I think pizza will be great. I'm starving actually now, I haven't been able to keep anything down today." she answers as she takes my hand in hers and squeezes it reassuringly.

"You sure?" I confirm as she nods in affirmation.

" Ok then. But first I have something to give you." I say as I suddenly remember the Valentine's Day gift I am supposed to give her.

I stand up and walk to the wardrobe to retrieve a nicely wrapped up square box, hidden in the pocket of one of my winter coats.

Amelia looks at it, her eyebrows raised. I think she can guess what is inside already. I am not as good in hiding surprises as her.

I place the box on the bed beside her.

" Open it." I instruct her gently as I nod towards it.

She takes it and opens it, to reveal a gold necklace with a shining diamond pendant.

Her face lights up as she gasps in awe and looks at me, her eyes shining.

" Owen, I love it! " she says, her voice cracking, filled with emotion.

" Want me to put it on you now?" I ask, as she nods happily.

As I clip it around her neck, something crosses my mind.

" Amelia, I want you to promise me something." I say, a serious tone in my voice.

She looks up at me questioningly.

" Promise me you'll give this necklace to our daughter on her wedding day." I say, full of conviction.

She looks at me with wide eyes. She must think I'm crazy.

" How do you know that this baby is a girl? And how do you know she's going to get married?" she asks, her eyebrows raised.

"Because I know." I say, as I kiss her on the cheek. " Ok, but seriously, even if we don't end up having any daughters, or if none of our daughters get married- you can always keep it for yourself. As a reminder of my love for you."

Our eyes meet as a dimple slowly forms on her cheek. She nods wordlessly.

" Thank you Owen." she whispers as I smile back at her.

A few hours later, we are cuddled on the couch, just enjoying the comfort of each other's embrace and the warmth of each other's company. The ending credits of 'Valentine's Day' plays on the screen, and the empty pizza box is still on the coffee table.

Amelia had thrown up right after she took the first bite of her pizza, but after that, she thankfully managed to keep down the rest of the meal. I really hope that this pregnancy will treat her well, I don't want to see her suffer.

We snuggle closer together as she looks up at me and we share a loving smile.

" Is it ok if I speak to the baby?" I ask cautiously, aware that she might not be comfortable with me doing so.

" Yes, it's fine." she nods. " You're the father after all."

Feeling my heart melt at her reply, I lift up her shirt slightly with one hand, and gently touch her still flat tummy with the other hand.

" Hey there Bean. It's your Daddy. I just found out about you today and I love you so much already. I can't wait to meet you, but you have to stay safe inside your Mommy and grow first." I say in the most gentle voice I can muster.

Speaking to the baby just makes it all the more real.

As I look up at Amelia, I see her wiping away a stray tear from her cheek.

" Are you ok?" I ask, alarmed.

" Yes, yes, it's just…. seeing you speak to our baby and calling it 'Bean' really warms my heart. You're going to be an amazing dad, Owen." she says, an earnest tone in her voice.

" And you'll be an amazing mom." I say, full of conviction as she gives me a teary smile.

We cuddle on the couch a little while longer, in comfortable silence. With my lovely pregnant wife by my side, in my embrace, I feel like the luckiest man in the world. I am now starting a family with the love of my life. Although our baby is barely the size of a bean right now, and we still have many more months before this baby comes into the world, I already love this baby with all my heart.

"Owen." Amelia breaks free from my embrace as she nudges me gently, disrupting my chain of thoughts.

" Yes dear?" I reply as I kiss her on the cheek.

" I think it's time for you to wear your red boxers. I want to see you in them." she says in a sultry voice as she winks at me.

" Oh yes, that's right, how can I forget about your gift!" I jokingly exclaim as I lift her up into my arms in one swift move and carry her to our bedroom, her melodious giggles filling the house.

That night, we celebrate our love for each other, and our future together as a family. I won't give you the details, except that Amelia thinks I look incredibly sexy in red boxers.

 **THE END**

 **Alright guys, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! As usual, comments, reviews and messages are very welcome and very much appreciated. I would really love to hear from you- do let me know what you think ok? :)**


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